Counting Down

So, I had another monthly baby mama doctor's appointment yesterday. It is always so exciting to me to hear little Bean's heartbeat. It was strong and steady...I hope he/she is the same, strong and steady. I'm 17 weeks along now, and we have three weeks until we find out if Bean has a hot dog or a taco! ;o) I can't wait to find out, give Bean a real name, and decorate the nursery. We have so much to do in the next five months, and it's hard to believe that we'll have a little one in our arms before Christmas.

I'm starting to grow, and looking a little more pregnant than just fat. I started feeling a little movement, mostly just stirs but every once and awhile a little bump. I'm sure the little one will be feisty like mom. I love feeling Bean move and I find we interact with him/her even more these days as his/her presence is made known to the world. I've only gained 8 pounds since finding out that I'm pregnant. That makes me feel good, like I'm doing something right. Now only if I hadn't gained back all the weight I lost before I got pregnant. Oh well, when I have a toddler to run around with and take for bike rides it will all melt away...

I found out some bad news about one of my friends I've made in the cancer world. Sarah found out she was pregnant as she was beginning her stem cell transplant. For the beginning part of her pregnancy the cancer stayed at bay. She looked great, and she and her hubby were excited about the prospect of having a baby. However, her cancer has come back. Her due date has been pushed from August to July, and they're giving her steroid injections to help the baby's lungs develop so they can induce labor. Sarah faces a stem cell transplant this fall after she undergoes more chemo to get her back into remission. I know she's worried, and even as a cancer survivor myself I have no words of wisdom for her. The fact of the matter is that I can't imagine the thought of having to be separated from my baby, I can't imagine having to cut off breast feeding and be sick during Bean's first months of life, where everything happens so fast. All I can say is that my thoughts and prayers are with her and her family. But it's things like this that make the cancer surviving mom's experience unique; you never know if the cancer will come back and jepordize the high hopes you have. It scares me to think of this happening to us...

But, you can't live life in fear!

So we made the decision not to have the quad-scan that tests for certain birth defects. When we thought about the test, most of what they test for there's no correction for. Basically, if the baby has Downs Syndrome, it is what it is. If the baby has anecephaly or severe spina bifida, neither of us believe in abortion under any circumstances so it would simply just add stress to my remaining days of being pregnant. Letting nature take its course has gotten me this far, and I'm amazed at how my faith in that concept has rewarded me. So, why tempt any of the bad stuff? Why tempt the anxiety? It is what it is and whatever life brings me I'll face, just like everything else. The funny thing is that this is the best I've felt in a long time. I've gone off of my anxiety meds and feel better about life and my future than ever before. For the first time in a long time I look forward to what the future has ahead for us. I imagine the day when I get to hold my baby in my arms, the suckling at my breast, the gazing into each other's eyes...then, watching Bean grow and make all the milestones babies make, hearing Bean talk and wondering what the first words will be. It's all so exciting! It will make everything we've been through just a faded memory, and life will be that much more sweet!