It's Official

It's official! We had our first baby-mamma appointment yesterday, and we confirmed what the home tests had said. I guess there's always that nagging thought in the back of my head that just waits to hear something bad. I'm so used to hearing crappy news from the medical world that when something good transpires, it's difficult to believe it immediately. I can't explain the feeling I felt when, after the nurse walked away with my paper bag of precious pee, she re-entered the room and gave a simple 'congratulations.' I screeched in excitement, that finally for once I heard words of joy come from a nurse's mouth.

Now, it's trying to figure out just how far along we are. It's going to be fun...my body just can't handle being easy I guess. We decided to go off the BC in November, and my doctor had told me that it could be 6-18 months before I even started ovulating again. It's been just over five months, and no period, so nothing to base the dating of our pregnancy off of. I know that when I was in the hospital in early February for a bad viral infection (I told you I've had nothing good in the medical world) they had done pregnancy tests which were negative. My thoughts are that when I was spotting in late February, that could have been when implantation was taking place. If I'm correct in that, then I'm already 9 weeks along, and will be due in mid-November. I will be having an ultrasound next week to give us some more clues. Regardless, we will have a new baby for the holidays; how incredibly exciting!

But excitement just doesn't encompass the feeling I have right now. Elated, overjoyed, normal. Normal is a feeling I'm more happy to feel than any other. While driving home yesterday, I broke down in tears telling John just how happy I am to feel like a normal, competent woman again. Truth is, I wondered if I would be able to conceive at all. When you go through what I have as a woman, it's pretty difficult to think anything else. I had even had IUD gyno tell me that I would most likely have to take fertility drugs to even fathom conceiving semi-naturally. I told John that his swimmers must be pretty potent, because they sure did seek and destroy! Well, he can do anything he sets his mind to, so I suppose it's not too abnormal that his sperm would do the same.

Our family is beyond elated. They have been there with us through all the bad stuff, and they too expect the worst when it comes to my health. We had thrown around the idea of waiting until Mother's Day to break the news, and to do it in a fun and exciting way. However, I'm the person who can't wait to tell someone what I got them for Christmas, much less keep the news in that we're having a baby. I don't think there's been a single Christmas or birthday that I haven't given John his present way before the big day; there was no way I could handle keeping this in for six whole weeks. The memory of telling my parents is one I will never forget! My dad answered the phone, true to form was downstairs in his office and banged on the wall to get my mom to pick up. When she did, I made sure I kept them both on. "I have some news," I said. "You're pregnant," my dad said, to which I gave an affirmative reply. My mom shouted, "Jennifer...you are?!?! DJ (my brother), Jen's pregnant!" And my brother shouted back, "I'm gonna be an uncle!" We stayed on the phone, reveling in the news. I told them that we would have a baby for the holidays, and my dad, the big teddy-bear he is said, "This will bring a whole new meaning to Christmas!"

So for today, excitement is the emotion of the day. Right now, I have the energy to hold back the negative thoughts that sometimes creep in. I will count down the days through my first trimester, crossing my fingers that my baby and I stay healthy and tranverse the journey to come successfully. I don't know what I'll do if anything bad happens to our baby, or if I lose the pregnancy altogether. I don't want to be a jaded person, so I will muster the strength to keep those thoughts at bay. For now, I just want to bask in the joy of creating life and savor every cramp and pain I have right now, knowing that it's all a sign of normalcy.